God, Are You Hiding From Me?
Where’s God?
I know that God loves me. I know that He will never leave me or forsake me. And I know this because the Bible tells me so (Deut. 31:8). But if I can be honest, there are moments in my life when what I know and what I feel don’t align. Because here’s the thing—I know that God is always with me, but there are moments in my life when it feels like God is hiding from me.
Perhaps you have felt that, too. Perhaps you can recall seasons when your prayers were met with silence. Or your relationship with God felt like a drawn out monologue. Or perhaps you find yourself in a spiritual drought and God hasn’t manifested Himself in a tangible way to get you through another day. It’s not that you weren’t trying. It’s just that God didn’t show up.
“God’s truth didn’t exist despite my reality, but rather, it existed in the midst of my reality.”
I used to think that the right Christian thing to do was push my feelings aside and replace it with the ultimate truth, God’s Word. I thought my feelings and God’s Word were mutually exclusive. But if there’s one thing journeying with Jesus has taught me, it’s that life isn’t so black and white—and that the Bible isn’t either. God’s truth didn’t exist despite my reality, but rather, it existed in the midst of my reality. Sure, there are a number of verses in Scripture that talk about God’s steadfast presence and loyalty to His people, but the entire book of Esther captures a God who is absent. Literally. In the span of ten chapters, the word “God” is never mentioned in the entire narrative. If Scripture is about God, how did the book of Esther make it into the canon if it never once mentions Him?
Scholars note that the absence of God throughout Esther is intentional. The author, who is also unknown, doesn’t mention God throughout the story as a way to make the point that while God is never explicitly mentioned in the story, He is there all along. And I think that’s a metaphor for what it sometimes looks like when we’re walking with Jesus. Esther is a book filled with ironies and coincidences. And the author purposefully withholds any mention of God as a way to invite readers to recognize how God is moving, even when we don’t explicitly see Him in the way that we think He should be present.
What does this look like in your own life? So many times, we measure God’s presence in our lives by how tangible He appears to be. But the book of Esther is a reminder that God’s silence doesn’t equal His absence. Sometimes, God’s silence is an invitation for us to look for His presence in the midst of our situation.
He Wants To Be Found
I’m only now understanding this concept as I’ve started to play hide-and-seek with my one-year-old daughter. She loves playing hide-and-seek, but here’s the thing about playing the game with a toddler: there’s a way to hide, so that you can be found.
No one plays hide-and-seek with a child and actually hides in a difficult place so that they’re never found. Think about it. When you hide, you leave a limb out. If the child is headed in the wrong direction, you make some noise in order to get them back on the right path to finding you. Why? Because the point of hiding is so that the child finds you. It is no longer a fun game when a few hours have passed and you’re still stuck in the dark musty closet basement waiting to be found. The point of the game is not to get lost, the point of the game is to be found.
“God hides, so that we will know the reward of finding Him.”
In the same way, I’m learning that God hides, not so that we lose Him, but so that we will seek Him. God hides, so that we will know the reward of finding Him.
When You Find Him
Nothing brings me greater joy than when my daughter squeals with joy when she finds me hiding behind the couch. She may not know it, but I am orchestrating the whole thing so that her joy may be complete in seeking after me and being in my presence. Sometimes, life can feel a lot like the book of Esther in the sense that God doesn’t seem to be present. But here’s the good news: it’s not because God is absent. And it’s not because God is mean and distant. It’s because He is inviting you on a journey to finding Him. God is positioning Himself to be found by you. And the good news is He promises that you will find Him when you seek Him with all of your heart (Jer. 29:13).
So how can you begin this journey of seeking God? Here are some ways that can help you enjoy the discovery of finding Him again:
Past
Reflect on an event or season of life where God felt absent. Maybe you felt disappointed or alone. Or perhaps there are moments of ironies and coincidences that you didn’t consider God had a hand in. Sit quietly and take 10-15 minutes to ask God to reveal where He was present with you during that time.
Present
One way to see God’s presence in seasons where He seems to be hidden is to look at what God is doing in other people’s lives and to celebrate with them. How do you see God working in other people’s lives? What can you celebrate and give praise to? How do you see God moving in the Church, in your community, and in the world?
Future
Write down Scripture and promises of God’s presence in a journal. Use this as a reminder when you enter seasons of hiddenness and silence and know that God is moving in the midst of your reality.
I love that the book of Esther gives us permission to admit that there are seasons of life when it feels like God is absent. Even more so, I love how Esther reminds us of the truth that God is always present, even when we can’t see it. Do you find yourself in a season where you’re asking God, “Where are you?!” Don’t worry. You’re not alone. You’re not at fault. And perhaps, you’re being extended an invitation to play hide-and-seek with a Father who wants to make your joy complete.
